Dec 2011

Ups and downs in Dec 2011:

• Emotional turmoil after delivery
• 1 week later, father in law down with stroke attack, admitted to hospital, mother in law can't do confinement for me
• Engaged confinement lady in the last minute - thanks k. for the recommendation
• 1st 2 days with confinement lady was not too smooth due to some miscommunication
• pressed on for the sake of my baby 
• Gets better after the 4th day where she starts learning our habits and I started warming up to her
• CL cooks well, so I continue eating like a pig, to beef up myself so that I can breastfeed
• continue to pump milk like a cow
• hub was stressed - running back and forth - hospital, home and army camp for reservist
• I was still bleeding from my c-section wound
• at last hub can defer his reservist after producing gynae's letter
• Father in law stabilised after 2nd week, but still need to monitor his blood pressure and then go for physiotherapy
• Bleeding stopped but still feeling painful at the wound
• Things started getting better, mood was lifted during xmas
• Enjoying baby's presence - be it crying, pooing or blabbering 

2011 has been a fulfilling year and I had my best present - my daughter. 

Breast Feeding thoughts

Thank goodness for Avent electric pump else I don't know what will happen to my hands.

I had a record of pumping 270 ml (170+100) of milk in one hour today!

Must be the "ngnoh he" bones + green papaya soup, cos usually I produce only about 125 to 170 ml in one hour.

Post Natal Massage

I have yet to go for my post natal massage as I just recovered from my C-section wound bleeding but I can still feel the pain around the area. =(

Guess I just gotta wait 2 month later (ie in Feb 2012) before I can have my massage. The lady mentioned at most 2 months before the massage lost its effectiveness. So now I just put on my abdominal support, at least my tummy doesn't sag so much.

I hope I am still on my way to being a hot mama. '__'

Christmas 2011

= pumping milk at home
= lying on bed
= no log cake, no turkey only confinement food.

hub bought 2 santa hats - for me and baby to cheer me up.
Took a pic with baby (but I think I look real frumpy to post it online.)

I look forward to next year's xmas - when baby is at least 1 year old ! : )

Gynae Comparison

My experience with the following doctors:

Gynae	Dr Michele Lee Sook Ling	Dr Kenneth Edward Lee	Dr Fong Yang
1 - Personality	Reserved, gentle, assuring	Jovial, outgoing, chatty, down to earth	Steady,meticulous, patient, unassuming,
2 - Waiting time	half to 45 minutes	15 mins (- if you have appointment and you are on time) to half hour	one hour
3 - Speciality Inclination	Unknown Pro natural	Caesarean Caesarean	IVF Programmes Pro natural
4 - Consultation charges^	$80 per visit	$80 per visit	$100 per visit

Just my opinion. -__-

Note: 
- I see Dr Fong Yang only once to date as Dr K.E. Lee is on vacation after my delivery and Dr Fong is his "back-up".
^ May be subjected to changes, packages to check with clinic

I wonder why most gynaes doesn't really tell you much - unless you ask. Are they afraid that we have information overload and worry too much if they tell us more?
Conclude: We just gotta read and find out more ourselves too. Think I read, but still insufficient. 


What I can say now is feeling comfortable with your gynae is important, but it is also equally important that one gets a gynae who has similar birth values as you. 

My Tollyjoy Stuff Pix

With reference to this, here it is:

Still look new except for some yellowish stains  along the lining.

Is it still selling at $2.95 at Metro ? heh.

Major Event Log II

4 Dec, Sunday

1. 6:00 am: Slight cramp, went to poo, then shortly after - "show".
2. 6:15 am: can't sleep, ate light breakfast, bathe, to prepare to go hospital any time. 
3. 7:40 am: 1st contraction. poo again. (seems like the contractions is good for pooing!)
4. 8:40 am: 2nd contraction, another "show". decided to wait for more contractions.
5. 8:45 am: on PC, started blogging to relieve some tension. Read to distract myself.
6. 9:00 am: Mucous Plug is out. To continue monitor for more contractions. On music.
7. 9.15 am: Hubby back from supermarket. Ate carrot cake.
8. 10:00 am: 2-3 contractions- irregular. each lasted around for 1 min. Felt butterflies in my stomach (like the nervous feeling you had when you for your 1st school exams or whatever test you might be going...) Completed blogging. 
9. Stayed at home the whole day ....

5 Dec, Monday

1. 12:00 am+: to hospital
2. 1:00 am+: Nurse started monitoring, CTG on.
3. 3:00 am+: CTG off around, advise to sleep till 5 am+
4. 5:00 am+: CTG on again
5. 7:00 am+: Doc came and check, options given. Thinking of going back home and come back on 7 Dec or when contractions become stronger but not allowed to go back home. Regretted coming earlier. (cos doc advised me to come for induction on 6 Dec 12 am)
6. 8:00 am+: Move to room to check to rest and ponder on options.
7. Options: 1. C-Section immediately, 2. Put on Prostaglandin pills for dilation of cervix (max up to 4 pills) - if all pills fail, then C-section.
8. After Lunch: Put on 1st pill. Contractions getting more gradually but still irregular.
9. After Dinner: Put on 2nd pill. Contractions getting more intense after midnight.

6 Dec, Tuesday

1. 1:00 - 5:00 am: Quite bearable until 3:00 am when the contractions every 10 mins and then every 5 mins. hub suggested a hot shower to lessen the pain, and apparently it worked. I went on my knees on all fours with some pillows supporting my arms on the floor. Hub reminded me again on my breathing techniques and visualisation. I kept visualising I am floating in the air tied up to a huge balloon and it is carrying me high up and away from the pain ...... as the contractions intensify at my 8th count, I raised up my hands like a conductor in front of an orchestra which helped to alleviate the pain and breathe in deeply. Hub kept stroking my hands to soothe me while I concentrate on the breathing techniques. At one point, I felt like I am getting used to the pain, hub kept repeating "yes, you love contractions as they are helping you to birth the baby...yes you are loving it..." I just repeat whatever my hub said like a mantra and this continue...
2. Contractions intensify....coming in waves (or think Tsunami?) where there is a peak- where the pain is the greatest and as each wave travel, you can feel the pressure pressing against your lower back, squeezing both your tummy and lower back, as if your tummy is like a packet of chilli sauce, and someone is trying to squeeze through last bits of the chilli sauce. Through the CTG machine, hub is predict the next peak, and alerted me while I make my own breathing preparations and this went on ....
3. Cervix dilated to 5cm. (yes, I am half way there!) Pethidine was injected at my thigh to lessen the pain  and I continue with my 'contractions journey'.......
4. 8:00 am+:  doc broke my waterbag to induce labour; put on the drip to intensify the contractions further. ( Just another 4-5 hours more, it would be 10 cm, hang in there!) 
5. 11:00 am+ (the nurse increase the level of drip gradually throughout): Nurse checked and I have only dilated by 1 more cm. There is not much progress. Then suddenly, baby's heart beat went down to 90 - Fetal distress. Doc immediately asked for a C-section. I looked at hub with the 'laughing gas' mask on my face, nodded my head and that was it. I signed the papers that I agreed with the operation and I was whisked off to the operating theatre. I remembered that I was tearing heavily, overwhelmed with frustration and self-reproach that why can't I just have a natural delivery.
6. Before I know, I woke up in a dreamy state. I heard voices telling me that the operation was over. My eyes were heavy, but I could tell what was going on...transferred from operating theatre's bed to another bed...went into a lift...voices...hustle and bustle around me...i was moving fast...transferred onto the room's bed....and then my hubby's voice telling me that the baby is fine and doing well. Drank 100ml of milk when they feed her. Must be really hungry after whole night of contractions.

After thoughts

I had no regrets as I know I have tried my best. Baby has also tried her best to pass through the pelvic cos apparently her head was elongated and reddish with a circular mark on her forehead. The head went back to normal and mark subsided after a while. 

It was an emotional ordeal for me cos I didn't expect a C-section (even though Doc did mention to me of the possibility.) I was totally distraught - never did I realise that I did not think of the worst-case scenario (from the very beginning) when I should have done in normal circumstances.

I know I should not take it to heart, it's not a big deal. The only thing I have to deal with is my expectations.

Win - Brian Mcknight

I need some inspiration and optimism.

Popped!

Finally I have delivered today.

Method: caesarean
Why caesarean: cervix dilated to 5-6cm. Can't continue further as baby is in distressed. So after 1.5 days of induction, I gotta go through caesarean.

Overwhelemed with all sorts of emotions. Gotta sort out all negativity and get over it soon. I know I am getting really emotional - my pragmatism is fighting against this emotional turmoil. My frustration is beyond what I can imagine buy I know I gotta look forward.

Hopefully it will be over soon.

Will definitely do a proper update once my condition and situation has stabilised.

P/s: after all said and done, I am glad that I did my breathing and visualisation exercises which has tide me over 1.5 days of intense contractions without epidural (which I have been working on- natural without epidural).of course, I gotta thank my hubby for being super supportive throughout the whole process.

Lost

Checked in hospital after 1 day of monitoring after show. Reality bites. Going for induction after whole night of irregular contractions.either baby's head will engage and contractions follow or c-section. Pray that everything goes well. 😔

Eliminate Fear (of child birth)

I refuse to believe that I can't go through natural delivery without epidural (although there is nothing wrong with medical interventions but it's just me. I do not want any) given that my mum can do it (cos at that time, everything was simple- and that's the key - Simple - know nothing, bring in No fear. and just do it!), so can everyone else. I mean, ok, I am stubborn but I just know I gotta do it, else I would regret. Reading hannabi's and verieying's comments are comforting and inspirational to me. 

I have been reading the following books and I highly recommend HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method - if one doesn't have time or doesn't want to read too much, this one book is something you could count on. (Yes, it 's kindda "intensive" reading for me but I know I need to do it. I wish I could discover much earlier then again, but NOW than never.)

KEY POINTS:

Eliminate fear cos Fear > Tension > Pain (theory pioneered by Dr Grantly Dick-Read)- and the cycle goes on.

We have natural endorphins and they are 200 times (!) better than morphins as painkillers. 

"To those who say it is just not possible to birth naturally and without pain, I say, "But what if we're right? Wouldn't it be wonderful?" Lorne R.Campbell, M.D.

The power of mind: "The mind is capable of anything - because everything is in it. All the past, as well as all the future." - Joseph Conrad.

Conditioning of your body and mind = stress-free



Powerful Laws of the mind- The Laws of: --
1. Pyscho-physical : Mind > Body >Action (think:Pavolv's experiment with dogs)
2. Harmonious Attraction: Words > Feelings > Beliefs > Behaviour > Success/Failure
3. Repetition: Repeat positive thinking (see2)
4. Motivation: Focus ! (think: sportsmanship) Mind Focus on winning> No pain stimuli > No pain !

4 Techniques:

1. Breathing - 1. Sleep Breathing, 2. Slow Breathing 3. Birth Breathing
2. Relaxation - facial, body, "limp", Light Touch Massage
3. Visualisation - floating in the mist on the 7 colours of rainbow, visualise the lower circular muscles as soft, satin ribbons, flexible and totally non resistant to the draw of the upper muscles.
4. Deepening - Glove techniques, Depthometer, Time Distortion

Meditation:
1. Practice of Opening: to relax and open your body
2. Womb Breathing: energy breathing for childbirth
3. Giving and Receiving: brings healing to childbirth

......."Feel your womb and cervix holding your child. At the right time , your womb will start to felx and your cervix will begin to respond, slowly opening, progressively releasing new life. 
The baby's head will then move down through the birth canal. The pelvis will work with the womb, yielding to growth and change. 
These are the strongest muscles in your body, fully capable of birthing your baby. Relax any abdominal tension caused by anxiety. Practice relaxing the outer and inner muscles that cradle your child. Surrender into the full support of life. Trust your ability to change. Prepare to give birth to your child............"

True Stories:
1. Birthing naturally with a midwife
2. Birthing naturally with a physician
3. Birthing naturally with a doula
4. Birthing naturally unassisted
5. Birthing naturally the first time or the next time

For me, I jump into reading some stories in 2. and 5. just to give me some insight.

- Be calm and relaxed
- Do not rush immediately to hospital, check for signs.
- Birth plan (I think for me I told gynae I want natural but still "play by ear")
- Supportive husband
- Focus on your mind, instead of the pain
- Is birth like sex? (haha, it can be!)

For now, what I have to do is to believe and count on my inner strength to go through this journey smoothly.


Update - 9.15am: 
And hanaabi's comments on visualisation reassured me and of course, and as I was typing, I experienced another "show" and mucous plug (sticky red lump) is out. And this confirms that my belief in speaking to the baby and constant visualisation works in communicating with the baby. So labour is on the way-no induction *fingers-crossed*; I gotta monitor for more contractions before heading to the hospital. Yes, I will Jia You (加油) !!

You've Got A Friend - Stacy Kent

Something to perk myself up, soothe my soul for now.

Baby you are my friend. You understand mummy ya?

Weight and baby position as at 1 December 2011

I am 61.7 kg today !

Baby = 3.3 kg (base on my own est. this time -given the last few figures, cos gynae didn't mention her weight this time and I didn't bother to probe further cos I will get worried with the size for delivery.)

Position: Her head is now facing downwards (yeay!) but her head is not fully engaged. It is at station -2 so she has 2 more steps to go to station 0. :(

Pelvic Station

Dilemma:
EDD date is 5 Dec (previously was 7 Dec but gynae checked and it should be 2 days earlier) but the amniotic fluid is considerably lesser than last week. Then again, if I were to go under induction now, it is not too good as the head is not fully engaged - thus having a 50%-50% of a successful natural delivery and might need a c-section. Gynae also mentioned my pelvis might be too small for baby to come out after gynae did a vaginal examination. :( :(

I was feeling terribly frustrated and upset so I hope by speaking to baby, she understands how I feel and what I am going through. Hub has also been speaking to her too... I just gotta tell myself not to be overly negative else baby will get the negative vibes which is unhealthy.